When it comes to our babies, many of us worry about all sorts of things. The message of ‘breast is best’ (when perhaps it’s not been that easy); the benefits of sleep training (even if it doesn’t feel quite right); Gina Ford vs the Baby Whisperer; meeting developmental milestones; baby-led weaning; and choosing the right nappies, wipes, buggies, and slings.
The list goes on and on, and it’s possibly enough to make you want to throw your Annabel Karmel cookbook out with the baby’s bathwater!
If any of this feels familiar for you, please read on!
There is so much pressure to get it right for parents, and it can feel really anxiety provoking when trying to do just that. This article is really just a simple reminder of the things that are truly important for your baby’s development, rather than the things we are led to believe are important.
Your baby isn’t judging your choice of buggy or sling, the way you pureed that organic pear (even it ends up on the floor), or even whether you got dressed today. Babies only care about one thing – their basic needs being met. And one of those needs is, quite simply, LOVE.
Qwell is a safe, welcoming place to find online support for all kinds of issues, including maternal mental health concerns.
It’s free, safe and anonymous. If you could use some support, sign up today.
Building blocks of love
Acts of love really are the building blocks to a healthy mind and body and are essential foundations to good future mental health. Even before we are born, our brains are developing, and, as social creatures, one of the things that supports healthy brain development is human interaction. In fact, our brain structure very much depends on our experience with others.
If you’ve been affected by any issues to do with maternal mental health, Qwell’s new maternal mental health collection could really help. To explore it – and get access to all of Qwell’s free, anonymous and professional support services – use the link below. You’ll need to register or login. It’s free to do, and Qwell is available in many areas of the UK.
How the brain develops
The brain is a complicated and amazing organ that is responsible for all kinds of things from intelligence, memory and even emotion. Emotional development as an infant, very much relies on the interactions with others. So a loving relationship between a parent and a young child who are enjoying each other’s company is essential for healthy brain development; as it supports a child’s capacity for emotional regulation and healthy relationships with others. Studies have shown that children who have been neglected and shown a distinct lack of love and affection can have a less developed orbitofrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for emotion). So actually, science tells us what we may have already known (and felt) – that love really is so very important.
You are enough
When you find yourself feeling the pressure to be the ‘perfect parent’, do remember that you are doing one of the most vital jobs you can for another person. And, in fact, by simply loving your baby and showing genuine care and affection, you are building a healthy brain!
Acts of love and kindness don’t mean perfectly baked cakes, neatly ironed clothes, or a tidy home at all times; they mean genuine moments of connection that quite often are perfectly imperfect.
These moments can be simple things, such as:
Laughing together
Singing a nursery rhyme
A cuddle on the sofa
Baking cakes together (even if you burn them!)
Reading together
Splashing in muddy puddles (thanks very much, Peppa)
Kissing better an injury or hurt feelings
When things go wrong
Of course, sometimes life is difficult and things happen, beyond our control. If your child has experienced a negative experience of any kind (e.g. a car accident, witnessing domestic violence, bullying at school, or anything at all that significantly affects their emotional wellbeing), the positive experiences they’ve encountered previously in their lives, including the healthy relationships with people that love them, can reduce the harmful effects of negative experience on their whole development.
In other words, even when things go wrong, the times that things went right can still have an impact.
For more information on this, ‘Why Love Matters’ by Sue Gerdhardt is a book that explains beautifully how loving relationships can really affect early childhood development from the womb and beyond.
There is more support available with Qwell
Qwell is free and available in many areas of the UK. To explore the rest of our maternal health collection, click the button below. If you’re not a member, you’ll need to register first. It’s quick, anonymous and free.