This article was written by a Kooth mental health writer and contains the following themes: speaking up, identity, mental health.
In this article, we’re going to think about how you can find your own unique voice, and explore some ways that you might want to use it.
Speaking up can be HARD sometimes
Adults often forget what it was like for them when they were younger, or – even if they do remember – they still can never know exactly what it’s like to be a young person right now. There’s so much pressure and so much to think about. Your body and brain are both constantly changing, and everything just feels a bit chaotic, all of the time. It’s a lot. I really struggled when I was a teenager. I had a lot of difficult things going on, I was struggling with my mental health, and I also happened to be a giant people pleaser. I spent so much time thinking about what other people wanted and worrying about whether they were happy. I never really stopped to think about what I wanted and whether I was happy.
It’s easy to default to the opinions of others, especially when they’re in positions of power. And, sure, often they do have really helpful and important things to say. But even though you might be young, you’re still a whole person, and, ultimately, you know yourself better than anyone else does. It took me a while, but I realised that if I disagreed with someone’s ideas or plans, I had to actually speak up and tell them that. It was a slow process starting to trust in myself enough to speak up, but when I did, I was often pleasantly surprised by how much people did want to listen to me and take on board what I had to say.
How I decided it was finally time to SPEAK UP
I spent quite a bit of time in hospital between the ages of 14 and 16, and this meant that I had to listen to a lot of different people’s opinions on what was best for me and my wellbeing. At first, I just sat there and listened to what they were saying, but eventually, I noticed that while all these different people were offering their thoughts and opinions, no one had really stopped to ask me for mine.
It’s easy to default to the opinions of others, especially when they’re in positions of power. And, sure, often they do have really helpful and important things to say. But even though you might be young, you’re still a whole person, and, ultimately, you know yourself better than anyone else does. It took me a while, but I realised that if I disagreed with someone’s ideas or plans, I had to actually speak up and tell them that. It was a slow process starting to trust in myself enough to speak up, but when I did, I was often pleasantly surprised by how much people did want to listen to me and take on board what I had to say.
How I found MY voice
Once I’d decided that I was brave enough to speak up, I then had to do something that was arguably even trickier: figure out exactly what it was I wanted to say. It was a slow process and I really had to go back to basics. If you’re not sure what your voice sounds like, here are some of the things that I considered. They might be helpful for you to think about, too.
What are your FAVOURITE things?
I genuinely wasn’t sure what my favourite things were when I first started thinking about it. I could list all of my friends’ favourite foods, singers, movies, and TV shows easily. But I genuinely didn’t have a clue about my own, because I’d never really stopped and given myself time to properly think about it. So, I’m inviting you now to take some time and do just that. What things make you laugh when you read or watch them? Does anything make you cry in a way that feels cathartic? Do you listen to any music with lyrics that feel like they could have been written specifically for you? Or are there any songs that make you want to scream-sing along or make you want to get up and have a frenzied impromptu dance party? You can start slowly if you like. Make a note whenever you come across something that you like. Put the songs on a playlist, make a list of the shows or movies, and – if you’re able to – try out different kinds of food and see what tickles your fancy.
What DON’T you like?
It can be just as important to think about the things that you’re not so keen on, too. Are there any things that you know you definitely DON’T like? If you’re not sure, try to think about how your body reacts to certain things. Do you feel relaxed when you’re listening to a certain type of music or watching a certain thing? Or does it make you feel a bit on edge or even anxious? It doesn’t have to be as intense as that. Are there any things you think are just fine, or maybe even a bit boring? It’s okay not to like things, even if the people around you do. My favourite food is sushi and my favourite singer is Taylor Swift. But even I think it would be annoying if everywhere I went they were playing Taylor’s music. And, if every restaurant only served sushi, I’d probably be begging for something not-rice-based.. Part of what makes the world such an amazing place is that it’s full of people who each bring their own different interests and likes to the mixing pot. You’re one of those people. You’re allowed to care about things that people you know don’t, and to decide that you don’t like some things that they do.
Nice to meet YOU
Once you’re starting to feel like you know yourself a little better, help the people around you to know you better, too. Start talking about the things that you like and the things that you don’t. Hopefully, the people around you will be thrilled to get to know a version of you that’s even more YOU.
What’s IMPORTANT to you?
If you want to, you can go a bit deeper than just thinking about your preferences. Something that was really key when I was working out what my voice was, was thinking about what I wanted to use that voice to say. I’m disabled, I really struggled with my mental health, and I also identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’d witnessed people in all of those different communities being treated poorly in society. So, once I’d learned how to speak up and advocate for myself, I decided I wanted to speak up on behalf of other people who were facing similar things. I started posting online about the things I cared about, pointing out injustices, and calling out for changes in the world that would make our lives easier. And, when I did, not only did I find whole communities of people that had experienced similar things to me, but I also found that people were willing to listen. I started small, posting bits of writing on a blog, and then ended up speaking on the news!
It turns out if you really believe and care about something, other people often will too. If you want, you can use this power for good and try to create change. But you don’t always have to. It can absolutely be enough to just know what your values are and to hold them close just for you. (And, make sure, if you are posting things online, that you feel 100% comfortable with everything that you’re sharing and you’re not sharing anything that makes you feel vulnerable in any way or that gives away any personal details, and also that you’re just generally being safe in your interactions with others.)
To sum all of this up – while it’s nice to consider other people’s interests, if you struggle to decipher what other people’s interests vs your own, it might be helpful to think about some of the things we explored above. I don’t know you. But I still feel very confident in saying that you’re a really cool, interesting, unique person. And both you and the people around you deserve the chance to get to your voice. I, for one, am looking forward to hearing what it has to say.
