This article was written by a member of the Kooth team, and contains the following themes: emotions.

What are emotions?

Emotions are strong feelings that happen in response to our circumstances, our mood, and our relationships. They are an important part of being human. Emotions act as an internal compass, guiding us to make decisions and to figure out what we do and don’t want from life. For example, experiencing feelings of joy when you’re playing an instrument, may motivate you to join a band, while feeling annoyed at a friend for doing something that hurt your feelings might encourage you to let them know how you feel.

We all experience a range of different emotions everyday. Some might feel really good and others less good – and this is normal. Without emotions, we wouldn’t understand what is important to us or be able to recognise when something is wrong. However, if we experience big emotions continuously,for more than a few days, we might need some help.

Understanding and managing your emotions

Big emotions occur when we struggle to manage our everyday feelings and smaller emotions begin to build up. For some people, there may be a stigma around expressing some emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness and jealousy. However, it is important that we learn how to deal with these feelings in healthy ways. How many people have been told, “Don’t be such a baby.” or “Don’t be dramatic.”? How many boys and men have been told to “man up” when they are upset? These kinds of messages can lead to some of us bottling up our “negative” emotions.

The truth is that our emotions actually play an important role in many aspects of life.

So why are emotions important?

• They help us communicate with and understand others; our body language and facial expressions show others how we are feeling and vice versa.
• They help us survive by getting us to make decisions quickly – for example, if we step into the road and see a car coming, fear gets us to jump back.
• They show us what is important to us – for example, you may feel happy and at ease around a family member or friend, showing they mean something to you.
• They protect us – emotions can show us when we are being taken advantage of or if something is wrong.

How can I manage my emotions?

Firstly, it’s important to learn how to feel our emotions. Sometimes, our first response to feeling an uncomfortable emotion is to get rid of it, but this emotion may be trying to tell us something. For example, the emotion, fear, may be telling us we’re in danger, and loneliness may be telling us we need to connect more with people. It can be helpful to give ourselves space to name the emotion we’re feeling and accept that it’s there.

Understanding and managing your emotions

For example, if you are feeling angry, you simply need to acknowledge, “I am feeling angry.” Once you identify how you are feeling, it may be that you can start to reflect on what may have made you feel this way. For example, let’s say you did not receive the mark you felt you deserved on a piece of work that you spent a lot of time on. Once you’ve identified how you feel, it’s important to validate your feelings and start to work through them. You could say something like, “I am angry because I didn’t get the mark I felt I deserved when I put a lot of effort into this work. It is okay to feel angry, as I did my best and the outcome just wasn’t what I wanted. I cannot change this mark, but I could talk to my teacher about how to improve next time.” This may not help get rid of your anger straight away, but it allows you to begin moving through the feeling.

Alternatively, if you are struggling to work through an emotion, you can look for other helpful ways to express it. For example, you could:

• go for a walk or play your favourite sport
• do something creative – whether that be designing a poster, making cards, drawing, painting, etc.
• write your emotions down – this can be on paper, on your phone, in a diary, or wherever feels best for you
• take some time for self-care – you could take a shower/bath, try to release tension – you can cry if you need to, hit a pillow, or do something active like going to the gym or for a run
• talk to a trusted adult or a friend
• use a breathing technique
• learn some grounding techniques

How do you manage your emotions?

Remember that it’s okay to admit when you’re not okay, and it’s normal to experience all sorts of emotions. 

Kooth is here to support you, whatever you may be feeling. Visit kooth.com and explore the range of support options available.