This article was written by a Kooth mental health writer and contains mentions of the following themes: depression, feelings, and support.

Everyone has different experiences of depression. We spoke to Ash, Cam, Jude, and Amal about what it’s like to live with for them, how they’ve helped themselves, and what advice they have for others.

What’s it like living with depression?

“For me, this is a two-part answer. Ash said, “Before treatment and recovery, the best way I can describe my depression is a feeling of being trapped inside a hopeless state of mind and body. I wanted so desperately to just live life, be able to wake up, and want to be awake. Every time I woke up, I was disappointed that I had to manage how to get through. I did not want to face another day. I slept all the time, and every single movement felt difficult.

“During and after recovery, my brain was stabilised by medications and talking therapy. I was connected to a support group of individuals who understood what I was going through, did not judge me, did not accuse me of being lazy, and showed up for me when I started to slip back into isolation and depression.”

How would you describe your feelings of depression?

Ash said, “It’s like having the worst flu times a million while carrying an elephant on my back with no shoes, uphill on rocks. It’s like screaming from the top of my lungs but no sound coming out. It is a hopeless feeling that nobody understands.”

Jude added, “Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh would be the best animal to describe my depression. Usually, it’s a grey colour. Neither happy nor sad, but just ‘meh’. Sometimes it’s like being an egg. Sometimes hard-boiled, and at other times, regular with a shell around it because it’s easy to crack under pressure and make a mess.”

Amal said, “Everything feels quite bleak, like you’re living life in black and white. Time moves but it’s like you don’t move with it.”

How has your relationship with depression changed over time?

Ash said, “It has definitely changed over time. I have actually received amazing clinical care from professionals, which has included medication. That has been right for me personally, although I know for others it’s not. With support, my life turned around in a very short time. I was given wrap-around services to help me feel supported and connected to others, and I have never looked back on that black hole that was my life.”

Cam added, “Although I still fear severe depression to some degree, I also acknowledge the wisdom I’ve gained by experiencing depression. There’s a certain amount of appreciation I’ve garnered by having been at my lowest low. And honestly, living through those experiences has changed the entire trajectory of my life and career path. I gained tremendous compassion for my fellow humans, and committed myself to helping reduce this kind of suffering in others.”

What helps you when you’ve felt depressed in the past?

Ash said, “When I do start to isolate I remember the opposite of isolation is connection so I connect with others which really helps.”

Cam added, “For me, I practise something called GRAPES every day. Each letter stands for something different:

• Gentle with self
• Relaxation
• Accomplishment
• Pleasure
• Exercise
• Social

The idea is that every morning, you write one simple thing you plan to do in each category, and then you check back in at the end of the day to see what you’ve done.”

How do you reach out when you need help or support?

Jude said, “I try to speak to close friends; sometimes I journal my thoughts to reflect on later. It’s good to get what’s going on in my mind on paper. I also look for a support group to attend.”

Cam added, “I stay in touch with the professionals around me when things feel scary or unmanageable. I tell my partner how I’m feeling, and I ask my family and friends for extra support when I feel really horrible.”

Amal said, “I can find it hard to reach out for help; I think really recognising that I’m not doing well is the first step for me, and giving myself permission to ask for help. I might not want help, but I guess I owe it to myself to give it a good go. I’ve experienced depression and recovered from it in the past, with some support, so I know that it’s possible to do that again if I feel like I need support.”

Are there any warning signs you know to look out for?

Cam said, “Warning signs for me are when it starts getting really difficult to get up in the morning, food loses its appeal, or when I start feeling numb to things I normally enjoy – like going on nature walks or to the sea. These things let me know that I have to take extra rest, be gentle with myself, write, take long walks, and go inside and connect with the deep and knowing parts of myself that can help guide me. There is wisdom to be found in slowing down.”

What advice do you have for anyone currently experiencing depression?

Jude said, “Things can get better, but you have to learn coping skills and find things that are positive for your health to change your mindset. Find your passions and do them so that you not only cultivate them more, but also get out of the funk you’re feeling. If that’s enough, seek assistance from a mental health professional to get help.”

Ash said, “You are not alone, you are not broken and there are great services out here who can help you.” – Ash

Amal added, “Everything might feel like too much, and it might feel painful, and also that you don’t have the drive or desire to get better, or ask for help. This is the depression talking and steering; it’s what it does, and you do have control over what you do about it. It takes a lot to make that move, but you can get better and get help to manage and recover.”

Finally, Cam advised, “With the right combination of treatments, whether medicine, talking therapies, lifestyle changes, or a combination of them all, you can get better.”

*Pseudonyms are used throughout the article to protect anonymity.