This article was written by a Kooth mental health writer, Nick. It contains mentions of the following themes: rural life, discrimination, racism, connection, and support.

Living in and visiting rural places can be a challenging experience, especially for ethnic minorities. As a black man living in a rural community, I’d like to share some of my experiences.

According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS) 2021, almost 95% of people living in my county are white. Less than 1% describe themselves as Black, Black British, Black Welsh, Caribbean, or African. I’ve had to make a conscious effort to connect with my identity in a predominantly non-black area.

Feeling isolated and longing for connection

I used to live in one of the most culturally diverse towns in the UK. I would regularly see people who looked like me. There was a sense of community and a wide network of support. But in my late 20s, I moved to a more rural area, which was quite an adjustment and a cultural shift.

I suddenly lost that sense of community and soon began to feel quite isolated. I remember moments of having to double-take whenever I saw someone else who was not white, let alone black. One of my first experiences of feeling a connection again was during a visit to the city, where a young black man shouted, “Yes brother!” from across the street. This offered some much-needed familiarity, and I suddenly felt a moment of comfort. You’d be surprised by the comfort a simple nod of acknowledgment from someone who looks like you can offer.

One day, a salesperson knocked on my door. When I answered, there was a look of surprise on both sides, as he was also black. He was only in the area for a couple of days, but we spent quite a bit of time talking. He said, “You don’t get your haircut around here do you?”

I travel 32 miles from where I live whenever I need to get my hair cut. Why? Because I go to a black hairdresser who knows how to cut afro hair well. When I first moved to a rural location, getting my haircut was a struggle. I called round to a number of barbers who said that they couldn’t cut my “type of hair” or could only shave it and not style it. This left me feeling frustrated because something that was so accessible to me before had suddenly become a challenge.

Everyday experiences of discrimination

While racism and discrimination can occur anywhere, I see that in rural communities, there can be bigger issues due to the lack of exposure to different cultures.

I’ve experienced a lot of strange, inappropriate comments in the rural town I live in. Once I was with a friend having a conversation and a lady interrupted it saying, “I would love to paint you.” Then she gave me a full account of her time spent in Africa. I would just like to mention here that I am Caribbean, and have never been to Africa, so these assumptions can be offensive. Unfortunately, I’ve even had inappropriate remarks from professionals in healthcare settings. I’m sure some readers will be shocked, but sometimes I experience discrimination daily, and the comments get even worse.

When living in areas highly populated with diverse people, there’s more exposure to different people and often more support from your community available. I remember visiting a nature park with a friend a few years ago, and there was a family in front of us. The young boy made a comment about my skin colour – it was likely his first experience of seeing someone who wasn’t white based on the comment. And the parent simply shooed him along, possibly out of embarrassment. I cannot say for sure.

However, I do know that it did make me feel uncomfortable that the comment was not addressed. If the comment was challenged in front of me, I would’ve at least known that teaching had occurred and it would be less likely to happen again to someone else. There is harm that can come from simply ignoring an offensive comment whilst the person is present, as it is everyone’s responsibility to correct or challenge. Not all rural areas are the same though, and there are places where people have been very polite and welcoming towards me.

What have I learned from living in a rural community as a black person?

Feeling isolated and being in a minority group can lead you to question yourself. When dealing with uncomfortable situations, you may find yourself thinking, “Is it me?” and “Am I taking this out of proportion?” It can be helpful to remember that no one should undermine what you experience, and how that makes you feel. You are the expert of you.

How do I connect with my black identity?

I connect with my own identity by visiting places where I feel accepted, and avoiding the ones I do not. To understand this, I’ve had to experience places where I do not feel accepted or considered. I spent a considerable amount of time talking to others I made connections with, researching and learning where I could go for the hair or food items that I enjoy, as they tended to be the locations where I could feel most connected. It’s important to have people to relate to, look up to, connect with, lean on, and seek guidance from those who have already faced what they do not want you to.

I connect with others whom I can relate to both face-to-face and virtually. This includes a network for black males, relatable staff networks, and getting involved with organisations that support people who look like me. I find comfort in being able to talk to someone who knows what it’s like to be treated differently and not necessarily have to explain myself, when a simple glance can say a thousand words.

The beauty of technology is that it offers the ability to join social networks, work groups, university and college societies, and clubs remotely. Even if you live in a rural area, there are still opportunities to connect with people (even if it’s outside your own area). No one has the right to make you feel less than, inferior, or that you do not belong, because you do. And chances are, there is someone who looks like you looking out for you, too.

Resources for support:

If you’re interested in looking at the demographic in your area, you can look at Gov.uk’s ethnicity facts and figures.

For mental health support check out:

• The Black, African and Asian Therapy Network

• Black Minds Matter

For signposting to a number of charitable organisations in your area, check out Healthwatch.

You can also speak to a Kooth mental health practitioner about anything at all by messages or live chat. You’ll need to log in to your account and join the chat queue. If you haven’t signed up yet, it’s completely free and only takes a couple of minutes.