This article was written by a Kooth worker and includes the following themes: culture, heritage.

The UK is more diverse than ever before, filled with people from a range of backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs.

There are lots of people in the UK who are British born and whose parents come from another country. And while this makes for an amazingly diverse place to be, if you are trying to balance the different cultures in your life (with their own, unique sets of values and beliefs), it might also be tricky at times to find the best way for you to unite what might feel like two different worlds.

So, what is it really like to do this?

We spoke to to Bella*, who shared her experience of growing up in London with Mauritian parents.

*This is a pseudonym for anonymity

Bella’s story

My parents are from Mauritius – a beautiful island in the Indian Ocean. They moved to the UK many years ago, never really planning to stay here. But, two children later, they decided to settle in London and bought a house that they still live in today.

Growing up, I felt British, and was proud to be so. After all, this is where I was born. But my Mauritian heritage was always very much a part of me. What I found, having two very different cultures, is that there are expectations and assumptions of you that can really impact how you see your identity and generally how you feel about yourself.

Here’s how

When people discover my Mauritian heritage, they’re are often lots of assumptions. I might hear:

“So you speak French?”

“So you cook Mauritian food?”

“So you visit Mauritius a lot?”

These questions often come from a place of intrigue, but there’s an assumption behind them which means I can’t just be me in that moment. If I’m honest, my answers to these questions can sometimes feel “not good enough” to others. Almost like they’re either too British or too Mauritian.

Growing up, I felt a sense of having to adapt who I was depending on who I was with. And while this is a part of growing up anyway, there was definitely a cultural undertone to some of these expectations and the balancing act I experienced.

For me, personally, I didn’t find any of these expectations came from a place of malice or unkindness, but they definitely impacted how I felt about my identity at times. I’d think, “where do I belong?” Sometimes, when I just wanted to be me, it felt like I had to be the version of myself that people wanted to see instead.

Other people’s expectations

• My Mauritian relatives expected me to speak French. This could be at family gatherings, or even overseas phone calls when I’d come to the phone to talk to uncles, aunties, and cousins. I understand the French language, as it was spoken at home, but I wouldn’t say I’m fluent, as my family mainly speak English. Also, as a British teenager, I guess there was part of me that wanted to rebel, and I know there was a time in my teenage years that I didn’t want to speak French with my parents or other relatives; I wanted to speak English like the rest of my friends.

• People who first meet me sometimes expect me to be a certain way or to have certain skills as a person who looks like they are from somewhere else. A previous boyfriend once asked me to cook him some Mauritian food. I felt a bit irritated by his assumption that this is something I would just be able to do, or want to do. Again, I don’t think that was his intention at all, but at the time, I remember thinking, “Surely it’s up to me, rather than someone else, on how I want to be, or what parts of me I want to share”.

• Sometimes, other Mauritians I meet here in the UK have had expectations of me, too. I had a medical appointment, and the nurse who happened to be from Mauritius commented that I didn’t “look very Mauritian”. Mauritius is a really diverse island, so there’s no “one way to look”.

I guess, my experience is that when you are British but your origins are from elsewhere, there’s sometimes expectations from others about your identity. This means you sometimes don’t get to choose for yourself how you want to be and what you want to share with others. Almost as if your identity is on someone else’s terms. And, therefore, your cultural and personal identity can be a bit of a balancing act.

I have to say, my British-born London friends never really put expectations on me, whilst we were growing up, in the same way as others did (and still do). In my experience growing up in multicultural London, there was a sense of, “we get it, we’re all from somewhere”. I’m aware that my experience might have been very different if I’d grown up somewhere less diverse.

Working out my own expectations

I’m a bit older now, so I’m clearer and more comfortable with who I am as a person. It’s helped me think about my own boundaries and even my expectations of others.

Here’s what feels important to me:

• For people to allow me to share my cultural identity on my terms. I feel like I’m a Londoner first and from “somewhere else” second. For me personally, London is the place that makes me who I am, not where my parents were born. I say this with kindness, but if I want to cook you Mauritian food, I’ll offer, and if I want to practise my French, I’ll speak it.

• For people to see all of me. I am British born with Mauritian parents, but this is just part of me. Ask me about other stuff – my hobbies, my views, what I did today. Get to know all of me.

• For people not to make assumptions about me. It’s okay to be curious and ask questions, but when people make assumptions (even people who are from the same place), it can take something away from my own identity. Don’t assume you know what I like to eat, where exactly I’m from based on my appearance, and how connected I feel with Mauritius.

Balancing cultures can be tricky, but I have to say I’m very proud of mine, and am working hard to figure out who I want to be so I can be just me.