If you’re experiencing grief or loss, it’s important to remember that the right support can really help.
This article explores ways we can grow around our grief through a practical activity. It could help you look at how your life can grow around your experience of grief over time. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper.
Activities like this can help you find a positive way forward. There are many more ways we can support you inside Kooth. It’s completely free to use and you’ll find a welcoming, supportive community, tons of self-help tools and caring practitioners who will listen to whatever is on your mind.
Rather than viewing grief as something to “move past” or “get over”, it might be helpful to see it as something we grow around. The grief will always be there, but our life and world can grow around it so we feel it less intensely.
The Fried Egg
Step 1: Draw a circle in the centre of the paper. This circle represents your grief.
Step 2: Now we’re going to think about drawing another circle around the first one. This second circle will represent your life around your grief.
This is different for everybody, so let’s think about how big this outer circle might be.
You might draw a smaller circle if your world feels a bit smaller right now – maybe going out feels tricky at the moment, or you’re not quite ready to talk to others, or you don’t feel able to do the things you’d usually enjoy.
You might draw a bigger circle if your world feels slightly bigger because of the things you’re filling it with:
- Support – family and friends
- Self care – so looking after your personal needs
- Pets
- Going to school
- Sports
- Other hobbies and interests
If your circle is a bit bigger it doesn’t mean that you are not still carrying your grief, it simply means that life is happening around it too and that’s OK.
There’s no right or wrong here, it’s just about thinking about how big your world feels right now. Draw the outer circle that feels right for you.
Step 3: Your circles should now look a little bit like a fried egg. You might want to take a moment to think about the feelings that are coming up for you right now. Try to be kind with yourself here, especially if some difficult feelings come up.
Over time your outer circle might change shape, and hopefully get a bit bigger. The fried egg model is supposed to depict that the grief doesn’t get smaller, but the amount of space it takes up in your life gets smaller.
If after a longer period of time, you feel like the world around your grief isn’t changing shape at all, then speaking to someone at Kooth for support could be really useful to help process some of your emotions and to find a way forward.