This article was written by a Kooth worker and contains mentions of the following: anger, mindfulness, emotions
Anger is an emotion we can feel for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes we experience it when we feel threatened; other times, we might feel anger when we are frustrated or when someone has upset us.
It’s a completely natural response that we all experience – animals and humans have actually developed this way through evolution, as some level of anger can be helpful in keeping us safe from perceived threats.
Read more about the science of anger here.
Anger comes in different levels – sometimes, it might feel like you have an annoying grey cloud hanging over you. Other times, it can feel like you’re in the middle of a full-blown storm.
Experiencing anger can be really unpleasant and might impact how we think and behave.
How anger is experienced – and the causes of anger – is completely unique to each person. It might include:
To learn more about dealing with these feelings and the differences between helpful and unhelpful anger, read our article on tips for dealing with anger.
When we think about anger, it’s quite normal to think about how we can prevent or deal with these feelings. However, sometimes it can be useful to try and understand the anger better.
This can help us to feel calmer, focused, and more in control, which may also help us find a solution.
Mindfulness is a technique that can be used to help us understand our feelings.
Mindfulness means giving your full attention to something and really noticing what you are doing right now, in the present.
Quite often – and especially when we are angry – we can have lots of thoughts and feelings running through our mind that can make us feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes, these thoughts might be based in the past or future – for example, you might be thinking about something you wish you had said in an argument, or maybe you’re worrying about an upcoming event.
Bringing ourselves into the present moment using mindfulness can help us to explore what’s going on inside and be curious about the feelings. We may begin to look without judgement and simply observe what is happening, potentially noticing patterns in our emotions and responses.
This can help us learn to understand our emotional responses better, and also keeps us focused on only what is happening in the moment, which might reduce some worries.
There are lots of ways you can be “mindful”, and what works for you might not work for someone else. Let’s look at three different types of mindfulness for anger:
Some people find that imagining themselves observing thoughts and feelings can be helpful.
Find a comfortable space to sit where you can be without distractions.
Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. As you relax, try to drop your shoulders, relax your jaw, and really feel yourself connecting to the floor or chair.
Imagine yourself sitting next to a gently flowing river with leaves floating on it.
Every time any thought or feeling comes into your mind, place it on a leaf. You might have thoughts around what is making you angry, or you might label certain emotions that you are feeling, such as “frustrated” or “overwhelmed”.
You might also have thoughts around something completely unrelated. Place those thoughts on leaves, too.
Watch as the leaves come towards you and notice them. Perhaps read what they say, and watch them float past you and down the stream.
You might find that some leaves get stuck or the stream stops for a brief moment. This is normal, and as soon as you realise this has happened, gently bring yourself back to the moving river.
Do this for a couple of minutes, or for as long as you feel comfortable. With some practice, you might start to notice you feel calmer and less “attached” to the anger you were feeling.
For some people, anger can often create a lot of energy within the body. It might also feel difficult to sit and think logically about your thoughts when you’re feeling angry. A different way you can be mindful is through movement.
Find a type of movement that you enjoy. This might be walking, dancing, running, skipping, jumping, stretching, or simply just shaking your body around in a way that feels good for you.
Spend a few minutes – or however long feels good for you – moving around, focusing all your attention on how the movement feels in your body. When the mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to how your body is feeling during the movement.
You might want to do this in nature, in your bedroom, in quiet, or with music.
This technique uses the five senses to ground yourself and bring the attention back to the present moment. Try to find:
5 things that you can see – for example: a van, a photograph, or a cloud. Think about what it looks like to you. It can be helpful to say this out loud if you feel comfortable doing so.
4 things that you can feel – Perhaps you can find something with a really interesting texture? Or maybe notice how the wind feels?
3 things that you can hear – Try to find three sounds, no matter how loud or quiet. For example: the traffic, the rain, or even the TV humming.
2 things that you can smell – For example, a nice candle or a fragrant shower gel. If you can’t find anything that smells, think of two of your favourite scents.
1 thing that you can taste – Again, if you can’t find anything to taste, or if you don’t want to taste anything, think about a time where you have tasted something really nice.
Note: You can leave out any senses you don’t want to do. You can also do whatever order feels right for you.
This grounding technique can help bring you back to the present moment and help you feel more in control of your feelings. It can also help distract you from whatever is making you angry.
Mindfulness can really be anything – it’s just about trying to focus on the present moment and explore your emotions without judgement. This can be sitting peacefully and becoming present, but it can also be moving or any other activity. This might include:
Feeling angry is not always a pleasant feeling, and focusing on the present moment might take a bit of practice.
In time, you might start to notice that mindfulness can help you through that storm, and might even help you prevent it in the first place.
If you need support managing anxiety, anger, or dealing with anything else, we’re here to help. Kooth is a safe and welcoming online space where you can chat with professional mental health workers, connect with other young people in our friendly community. There are also tons of articles and activities to help you manage your feelings, whatever you’re going through.