This article contains mentions of the following: loneliness, feeling lost, setting goals

If you’ve heard the infamous tale of The Tortoise and the Hare, you will know that moving slow and steady can be the most successful route to take, and that life isn’t always about reaching big milestones at certain times or moving forward as quickly as you can.

That moral of the story is all well and good, but…

What about when you feel like you’re that tortoise who has slipped down into a muddy rut and isn’t even moving at all, let alone being successful? Like you’re just watching everyone else make progress whilst you’re stuck in a hole, trying to scramble out?

If you’re familiar with this feeling, then you’re not alone.

Research shows that feeling like you are going nowhere is actually one of the biggest worries for adults.

Maybe you’re not content with your job, relationships, or achievements, or perhaps you’re finding life very repetitive. This might make you feel hopeless, unfulfilled, bored, empty, lost, or lonely.

If you are struggling, the Kooth team is here to support you. Click here to chat with one of our practitioners. You’ll need to log in or sign up for free first.

The good news is, there are things you can do to get out of this rut and start to feel better about your situation.

Be Mindful With Comparisons

Quite often, how we think about ourselves is based on how we compare to others around us. If you see those around you accomplishing lots, it might make you feel like you are going nowhere.

We also tend to compare ourselves to how well we match societal expectations of how we should live our lives. So, if you’re not achieving this standard, it might make you feel like you’re going nowhere.

However, each situation of every single person is completely different, and success comes in many different forms. Everyone has their own version of success and their own circumstances which determine that.

Stopping comparisons altogether is hard, but when you notice that you’re comparing yourself to others, try to be mindful that their situation may be very different to yours, and that what you see may not present the whole picture.

It’s Okay to Stand Still

Comparing yourself to others or constantly yearning for more – whether it be a better job, a better living situation, or a better relationship – can be exhausting and may lead to you feeling burnt out.

Moving onto something else or progressing is not always realistic and also might not always be possible in your current circumstances. It’s okay to stay still and focus more on your present situation as it is.

Learning to be present in the space you are in can be really great for your wellbeing. One method you could use to do this is through gratitude journaling, where you write down daily a few things that you are grateful for in the present moment. You’ll need to log in or sign up for free first.

These don’t have to be big things; for instance, maybe you’re thankful that you made it out of bed today, or maybe you went for a walk which you enjoyed. You can also express gratitude for those areas of your life that you’re not completely satisfied with. For example, maybe you’re not in the position you want to be at work, but you are grateful for the colleagues you’re surrounded by or the company values you share.

This might feel strange to begin with, but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that expressing gratitude for the present moment can lead to better overall wellbeing.

Of course, there might be situations where you want and feel ready to move forward with your life, as well as being able to. This leads us on to our next point:

Explore your Barriers

If you are in a position where you want to move forward, it might be good to start exploring what is making you feel stuck. Sometimes, it’s difficult to actually know what is making you feel like you’re going nowhere, and there might be lots of things to consider. There may also be lots of barriers that are out of your control.

Taking some time to identify your barriers can help you identify what is and isn’t in your control, any changes that you might want to make, and where you might need to go for some support.

For some people, writing down barriers such as making a list or journaling might help to visualise what is making them feel like that.

Start with Small Goals

If you are wanting to make some changes, start with setting yourself some small but manageable goals.

Many studies show that the process of setting, working towards, and achieving your goals is great for confidence building and overall feelings of wellbeing.

If you are stuck in a rut and want lots of things to change, it can be easy to get caught up in thinking you should make big decisions and changes; however, these are often not sustainable. Setting smaller, more maintainable goals is one way to develop consistent progress.

Setting goals and making small changes each day is also a great way to break a repetitive routine. Maybe you’re changing how you make your coffee in the morning, or perhaps you’re going to start each day with a short podcast instead of scrolling through your phone.

Studies show that breaking patterns, even just slightly, can help to interrupt negative thought cycles. This, in time, can change how you think, feel, and behave each day – which may lead you to making changes that can help your situation.

If you’re looking for somewhere to start or to get support with your goal setting journey, check out the Kooth Goals page. You’ll need to log in or sign up for free first.

Talk to Others

As stated in the beginning, feeling stuck like you’re going nowhere is one of the most common worries for adults. It might not be the easiest thing to talk about, so a lot of people feeling this way can end up experiencing loneliness.

Talking about how you are feeling can help to release pent up emotions and also connect with others who might be feeling a similar way.

You could talk to friends or family, or you can reach out to others here on Kooth via the discussion boards. This is an anonymous, moderated forum where you can connect with other users by asking and answering questions. Sometimes, just knowing that how you’re feeling is normal and that there is a community of people listening can be really helpful.

You can also get support from the team here at Kooth. 

We hope you found these tips helpful. Feeling like you are stuck in a rut can be really difficult, and it might take some time before you start to feel better.

And don’t forget, there are loads of ways to find support with whatever you’re facing at Kooth.com.